Mommy needs a valium

The surgery is in three days and I have officially started to freak out. I had a full-blown panic attack the other day, and wow... that was scary. I was laying in bed trying to sleep, when all the sudden my heart started racing, my chest felt tight, and it got hard to breathe. I had to jump out of bed and pace around the house. For some reason I was compelled to eat a banana, which somehow made me feel better. Who knows.

At any rate, I just want this thing to be over and done with. I look at Abby and think how unfair it is. I know there are a lot worse things out there, and I hate whining like this, but she is just so tiny and so innocent. She shouldn't have to go through all this. Yes, and I know she's too young to remember it. But still. I hate this. I've been trying really hard to keep it together, to not let the stress cloud my time with Abby. It's hard. Really, really hard.

On a completely different note, hello visitors from Helen's site! Nice to see you. Thank you for your kind comments and emails. It really makes me feel better knowing there are people out there thinking of us.