For Abby on her eight month birthday

Dear Abby,

Today you are eight months old. I can't believe that in four months we will be celebrating your first birthday! The past eight months have been some of the hardest and most wonderful of my life - bringing you home from the hospital, spending endless nights awake with you, soothing you through your colicky phase, taking you to the beach for the first time, learning that you will have to go through surgery, watching you grow and learn and become your own little individual - it's been quite a ride.

The first few weeks were tough. You were certainly a force to be reckoned with, and you refused to be put down. The swing? No way. The papasan chair? Yeah, right. All you wanted to do was nurse and cry. It was a tough transition for me, learning to put off housework and laundry and such luxuries as showering and brushing my teeth to attend to your constant demands. I think it was good for me, though. You helped me to learn how to live more in the moment, and I'm grateful for that.



When you were two months old, we went on a big trip to Maryland to meet the rest of your family. Grammy and I packed up both dogs and all of your gear (you need a lot of stuff, by the way) and headed up to Grammy and Pop-Pop's house. You did so well on the seven hour drive. I sat in the back with you and we only had to stop once to nurse.

You got to meet your Great-Grandmother Peggy, your Aunts Nancy & Kathie, and lots of friends & neighbors. Of course everyone loved you. Great Grandma Peggy thinks it's very cool that you have red hair, just like her. While we were up there, you had your first shopping trip (to Nordstrom, naturally). Afterwards, we went to visit your Great-Grandmommy and Great-Granddaddy at their house. Even though we had been out all day, you were as good as gold and showed off some of your kicking maneuvers on the floor. They are so proud of you and ask me for pictures at least once a week.

At the end of March, after three months of being with you 24 hours a day, I had to go back to work. That was really, really difficult. The first few days I left you at daycare, I cried all the way to the office. I missed you so much. I still do - the best part of my day is coming to get you in the afternoons. As soon as you see me walk in the room, you light up and smile. And then you cry for me to hurry up and pick you up.

When you were four months old, I found out that you have a birth defect called craniosynostosis and would need surgery to fix it. When I heard the news, my stomach knotted up into a tiny, hard ball of anxiety and fear. I don't think it will un-knot itself until you are safely back home in my arms, recovering from the operation. Even though I am scared, I know you will do great. You are a tough little girl and you have so many people wishing, hoping, and praying for you. Never, ever doubt that you are loved.



Your Aunt Katie came to visit when you were five months old. At first you were a little scared of her, but you quickly got over that and had a great time playing with her. She is one of my oldest, best friends in the world, and I was so happy to have you two meet each other. I was very sick with mono during her visit, and she took great care of both of us. She also took some incredible photos of you.



At the beginning of August, a major thing happened in our house: I moved you to your own room. This was a much bigger deal for me than it was for you; you immediately settled in to your own space and started sleeping through the night shortly thereafter. For the six-plus months or so leading up to this, you had been sleeping in my room, sometimes in a bassinet, sometimes in bed with me. I got really used to being close to you every night, and for the first few days after the move, I would wake up every 2-3 hours, go into your room, and lay my hand on your back to feel you breathing.

You have started babbling constantly, and will hold very long, intense conversations with your toys. You can say "dadadadadada" all day long, but haven't quite mastered "Mama" yet. Keep working on that, k?

One of your favorite things to do is blow raspberries, especially while eating.



In a couple weeks you will be having your surgery. Grammy and Pop-Pop are coming down to be with you, and your dad and I will be by your side the whole time. Auntie Jen will be there too, and your whole family will be thinking about you and praying for you. I wish more than anything that you didn't have to go through this, but you will be in good hands. I have great confidence in your surgeons, and I know in my heart that everything will be ok.

I love you, baby girl.

-Mama